There will be a picture post soon, I promise.  Until then, here are a few lessons from the past two weeks:

1) Wear flats when going to Catholic Mass.
2) Never underestimate a child's excitement at being able to melt things.  Especially colorful things.
3) Never underestimate a dog's excitement at being able to sneak into the kitchen and eat all of your tuna salad in the span of 3.7 seconds.
4) You can never have too many reusable tote bags.  This is especially true when you clean out your library and realize that you have 46 pounds of books to carry to your local book shop.
5) Cleaning out spiderwebs is a gross and creepy task, but it's best to do it quickly and not think about it too much.  This is actually true for most gross and creepy tasks in life.
6) Adding a piece of bacon to soup makes a world of difference.
7) Hide chapstick and hand lotion all over your house, car, and workplace, because you will inevitably think of it only when it is not in reach.

<3 Jessica

First week down...

I think I have finally decided what this blog will be about.

It's taken about a year, but I think that I am going to use this space to chronicle my quest for a better life.

I don't mean that to say that the life I lead now is bad by any means.  I am more fortunate than 99 percent of the rest of the world.  I have a good paying job, a wonderful husband who loves and supports me, an adorable 1940's bungalow, a cat and a dog to share it with, a town with a low crime rate and tons of things to do (as long as you don't want to be out past 10...), my health (mostly), some disposable income and not a lot of debt, and several exciting hobbies.  I am able to read and write, I have clean water and a fully stocked refrigerator available to me at all times. I was born an American, and have the rights and freedoms that come with that.  I have parents who love me and who I actually like, a brother with whom I have a great relationship, and lots of friends near and far.  To complain about my life when I could be so much less fortunate would be not only ludicrous, but disrespectful to those billions of people who have it so much worse than I do.

I mean "better life" in the sense that even if things are great, they can always be better.  I hope to start projects, try new things, and overall be a more interesting, interestED person.  This will hopefully chronicle my blazing glories as well as my tragic failures.

The first week of 2012 was a tumultuous one.  I started the year full of optimism, rang in the New Year with a delicious meal at a local Japanese Steakhouse with friends (and only suffered mild guilt at the huge price tag), saw The Muppets (I really enjoyed it, probably an 8/10), and spent the rest of the night playing cards with our friends James and Sherrie.  The next day was our traditional family Lord of the Rings Marathon, and then it was back to work.

I was not ready to go back to work.  When I had endless free time to fill with shopping, gardening, housework, cooking, and hobbies, I was a generally happy person.  I don't know if it was the years of outdoor ed or what, but I am not very good at time management.  I work until the job is done.  For this 20 hour a week job, I am putting in 40.  It's exhausting, and it makes me cranky.  So, the rest of the week was filled pretty much with work (it was a bad week for the kids too... one of those weeks that really makes you feel like a failure as an educator, because you can't even get them to listen to ONE SENTENCE.)

I did manage to cook some dinners... we are LOVING the Kale and Edamame Pesto from one of my favorite food blogs, Herbie Like Spaghetti.  Super interesting and quite healthy!  We also enjoyed some Easy Black Bean Soup from Girl Food... also healthy!  Getting new recipes is a lot of fun.  Even more so when they fit the three requirements I have for weeknight dinners: Quick, Tasty, and Healthy!  Needless to say, I have been using my immersion blender like a mofo.

Sunday was my first time going to church in a LONG time.  It was mass, and it wasn't a particularly interesting one, but I can tell that it's the right decision.  Not to get all Jesus-y for a bit, but my whole life I have struggled to find a church that works for me because of my religious upbringing.  There is a pride that comes with feeling superior to everyone else, and that is dangerous.  It's easy to pick at churches and find what is wrong with them, but to paraphrase my dear C.S. Lewis, sometimes it's not about what your church can bring to you, but what you can bring to your church.  Anyway, we'll see how it goes, but I am definitely going to keep it up.  Plus, it was nice to have another thing to do with the Husband.  :)

ANYWAY, my goals for this week:

• Get the library cleaned and organized!
• Make this picture frame for my bedroom:

• Keep working on organizing computer files.
• Find some new music on iTunes.
• Keep working on the Basement - almost there!  Pictures to come when it's finished being cleaned.

Also, Thursday will be my first work out/lunch with mom, and Date Night on Friday with "On the Verge" at the MCFTA (I am stoked) and LaZeez for dinner.  Yay!

Jessica

Resolve... or lack Thereof...

I don't have the best resolve.  I have always been pretty good at rationalizing my behavior and silencing that little voice inside that thinks that I really have better things to do than watch entire seasons of Desperate Housewives on Netflix.  I am an expert at half-asleep math (the extremely rapid and accurate mental math of the person who wants to calculate the very last minute they can get out of bed without getting fired).  The amount of time I spend procrastinating is really sort of sickening as an adult woman.  I am not saying this to be funny - I am actually pretty embarrassed at my ability to let myself off the hook again and again.

It should not be a surprise, then, that I have never been good at New Year's Resolutions.  I am sure that you are thinking, 'of course not... NYRs are only something you drunkenly boast about on New Year's Eve.  They have sort of become a national joke.'  But the sad fact is, I really start each year with the best of intentions.  Even though a year mark is nothing but an arbitrary timeline, I secretly believe every time that this year will be different, that this year I will finally get it all together and become the person I have always wanted to be.

So this year - THIS YEAR - will be different.

Here are the reasons that I am excited about 2012:

• My first out of the country experience will be an awesome one - Austria, Hungary, Germany, Czech Republic.  It's happening.  It's paid for.  It's the best Christmas gift ever, and I am stoked.  Y'all may not realize, but I have been travel-obsessed since middle school, and sat patiently watching while literally every one of my friends and acquaintances had fabulous European/Australian adventures.  I am not even a little embarrassed to cheer: it's finally my turn, beeyotches!  Yeah, beeyotches.  I am bringing it back.
• Avenue Q at the MCFTA.  It's probably a horrible idea to get my hopes up, given my history with this establishment, but I can't help but think that Kate Monster is a part that was made for me.  If my age and physical appearance is stopping me from getting leads, let's see someone rationalize my way out of playing a PUPPET.
• A new tapas place and wine bar sourcing local food opening up.  I love new restaurants, tapas, and local food, so this is obviously a good thing for a town where the culinary claim-to-fame was once that we still had a Bennigans.
• Friends moving to Midland.  Our friends James and Sherrie (who are expecting their daughter in a couple of weeks, which is also exciting) could very possibly be purchasing a home in the Midland area, which is pretty much the most exciting thing ever.  Having friends here would improve this town SO MUCH, and we love them and their kids.
• Potentially (sssh! Don't tell the in-laws!) starting a family.  This is a big, scary, nauseating bundle of awesome that I don't really want to talk more about, because I don't like to get psyched up about things that might not happen.  Okay, that's a lie, I totally like to get psyched up about things that might not happen (see: rest of this list), but for some reason not this.  It's probably a weird privacy thing that lets me air all my shortcomings on a public blog, but won't let me talk about having babies.  Oh well, let's not analyze that too much.

So 2012 will be a big year.  Hopefully for more reasons than just these, though, because THIS IS THE YEAR: this is the year where everything will be different, and I will finally find a way to exercise some self-discipline.  I will get in relative control of my life, and finally become the person I have always wanted to be.  Here's how:

1. Throw out more stuff.  This is actually a mid-year resolution that is continuing, because it is a slow process and I have hoarder tendencies and a cluttered aesthetic.  Last year I worked on my living room and kitchen through the year was awesome, and I literally closed out the basement yesterday morning (a daunting task that included the gathering, cleaning, and removal of over 50 garbage bags and at least 6 boxes of costumes, props, and old clothes that had found their way down there.  It's like our house has doubled in size.)  This year I would like to finish decluttering the den, mud room, and garage.  (NOTE: Upon re-reading this, I realized that I actually do sound like a hoarder.  The basement was by far the worst place in my house because of all the costuming I used to do.  We aren't drowning in junk, and I can find my cat and dog with ease.)
2. Finish household projects.  Husband and I have this horrible tendency to get projects nearly to the finish line and quit once they're good enough.  This year we need to get good trim in the bathroom, wall off the window, put in the fan, trim the doors in the kitchen and mud room, and secure and finish off the dog yard.  Also, I would like to get one of the biggies done this year - new windows or new siding, unless the roof springs a leak or the water heater goes or something.
3. Lose 60 pounds by May.  Those of you who haven't seen me in a long time, or see me often and haven't noticed, may not be aware that I have gained 75 pounds in the three years since moving to Midland.  It's a pretty shocking number, and I am just recently coming to terms with it, as I have never been a dieter and have always thought of myself in the heavy/normal range.  My goal last year was to stop the gain, and I can safely say I did that, yo-yoing around the last 15 pounds for the last 6 months and coming out 7 pounds under my heaviest weight.  I know everyone says they want to lose weight for their NYRs, but if I am even considering becoming pregnant, I definitely want to be in better physical shape before that happens.  I also want to look good in my vacation pictures, but that's neither here nor there.  Here's my plan:
1. I need to lose 12 pounds a month.  That's 3 pounds a week, ambitious but doable.  Honestly, I am not concerned about numbers as much as I am overall health and fitness, so even if I were to gain 20 pounds of muscle, I am not going to freak out (except I might look like a girl Arnold Schwarzzanegger, and I am not wild about that idea.)
2. I am signing up for Zumba 2 nights a week.  I have done Zumba before, and found it to be fun and a great workout.  My mom and I will definitely be doing one night, and I am hoping I can find a friend to come another night.  
3. I am doing a two-birds, one-stone deal by visiting my mom once a week for lunch, and using their home gym equipment.  
4. Cooking better food.  Last year I experimented with some great recipes that have found thier way into our rotation.  I hope to keep it up this year!
5. Eating out once a week.  Last year I wanted to eat at only local restaurants.  This worked in the sense that we found some great local restaurants that have quickly become our favorites.  It did not, however, cut down on the "I'm too tired to cook, let's have Taco Bell," situations that arise whenever I am working late or in a show.  This is also where our disposable income goes: see next item.
4. Save more money.  We used to be pretty good at this (and lets face it, I am the offender here), but since I have been working I haven't had the guilt-check that stops me from buying the things I want.  We have a good plan for spending, I just need to stick to it.  And we need to eat out less.
5. Write.  I hope to blog more, I definitely want to start writing again.  It's surprising how something that used to be a huge part of your life can vanish in just a few short years.  Also, reading - I am sure I read less books last year than in any other year of my life. I probably finished four or five.  I used to do that in a week.
6. Make time for God.  This is something that I am also embarrassed about - sometimes the things that are the most important are the things that you set aside when you get busy.  I'd like to give God 5-10 minutes every morning, hopefully to bring more focus to my day.
7. Get out more.  Walking and hiking is one of my favorite things to do, but this year I was a total hermit. Also, my poor dog has not been getting the amount of walks that he grew accustomed to when we were new and zealous dog owners.
8. Keep in better touch with friends.  I feel like I am an all-or-nothing kind of person - I probably hang out with old friends more than most adults in my age-range (partially because of the swinging child-free lifestyle that I am currently enjoying), but my ability to just drop a note or call is horrible.
9. Date night.  I would like to make one of our eating-out nights a date night.  After four years of marriage, you start to run out of things to talk about when you go only to restaurants that have TVs in them.
10. Enjoy more.  This is always a resolution every year, and every year I do relatively well, but fall short of say, Color Me Katie or Bohemian Musings.  I am never going to live in a New York Loft or sing in an all-girl band, but I can still find a little bit of joy or happiness in every day, and if I can do that, I will be a success.

Looking over the list, it's a lot.  Don't ever say that I wasn't ambitious.  But do you know the one thing that I think eats up the most of my time that could be used productively?  The thing that keeps me from writing, hiking, calling up an old friend, reading a book, having an adventure, trying a new restaurant, or taking a new class?  TV, particularly Netflix.  It is sort of shocking how MUCH time I spend watching TV.  It's another thing I am honestly embarrassed about.  I, being a bookish, indie sort of person, should be the one turning my TV into a fish tank or something, not sitting on the couch in front of it for hours and hours every day.  I have a suspicion that when people say that they don't have time for things, it's largely because of that.  I know it is for me.  And it really can't continue like that.

<3 Jessica

Can't Let it Pass By...

It's been a while!  With "Trailer Park" closing (a success; I got great reviews, which is always nice) and "Miss Nelson" picking up (the kids are a lot of fun, and I am really enjoying myself!), things have been crazy in the evenings!  Weddings and Senior Pictures on the weekends and a few out-of-town visits with dear friends have left me with very little free time... it takes some getting used to.

The job is going well.  It's a great fit, and while it can be frustrating or tiring on a day to day basis, it can also be hilarious, enjoyable, and rewarding.  That's working with kids for you.

Sometimes not updating a blog for a while can leave it seeming like a daunting task - so much to backlog, so much to cover.  I felt the need to break the ice, so to speak - things are going well, but I need to get back to a normal rhythm of life.  So, I shall leave you for now with some fall photos!  Michigan in autumn can't be beat.

Oh Goodness!

This past week was the start of school, and therefore the start of my new job.  It was exhilarating and exhausting, frustrating and fabulous.  It was strange getting back into the swing of things with older kids, and we still have a long ways to go, but overall I am sleepy but excited.

Now it's just a matter of getting my life organized again.  I had developed a little rhythm in my years of housewifery, and going back to a job that keeps me out of the house Monday-Friday, 6-6 (10:30 on rehearsal days...) means that all of the other aspects of my life, house, dog, hobbies - they're all up in the air!  I have had a lot of fun clothes shopping, though - I can't remember the last time I bought any new clothes, so that was quite a scene.  So, for the next few weeks, I'll be working on getting re-organized and trying to find some time to spend with Husband!

And, of course, the furry children.

<3 Jessica

Life

Summer sped by at an unbelievable pace.  Here I am cuddled up in the computer chair with my cardigan and scarf, candles lit, kettle on the stove... it's my favorite month!  God has really provided for my family this past summer - just a week after I left my job at the school of music, I heard from an acquaintance about an amazing new opportunity with thier education group, Meta4.  Rodney may have a new opportunity on the horizon as well.  Photo sessions are picking up, the squash are ripening in the garden, it's almost time for apples and bonfires... I don't know what it is about this weather and this time of year, but I am feeling really optimistic.

Whelmed.

Long time no see!  I've been feeling... whelmed recently?  An annoying pattern of listless and unmotivated to feeling the crushing weight of all of the things that I have to do stacking up on top of me.

I'm quitting the School of Music.  It started out as a nice way to get a few extra bucks and work with kids, and quickly became a large stressor and time-pit.  I think I'll be better off working part-time retail or something (something I don't have to care about, because I don't have good boundaries when it comes to work.)  All I know is that when I finally decided to do it, it felt like a huge weight was lifted.

For those of you who don't know, Husband and I live a more traditional lifestyle.  He works and pays the bills, I do odd jobs and take care of the house/animals/future children.  The problem is that the odd jobs (theater, photography, etc.) easily take over and make the housey things take the back burner.  But if Husband is the one paying the bills, and my jobs just make extra money for us, then it's not really fair for me to be putting all of my energy into them long-term.  Now for theater or photography, this works fine.  I can spend a couple of months really invested in a show, or a full day on a photo session.  But for the School, it was becoming something that, in order to do my best at, I was having to spend countless hours working on with no end in sight...

So, making that decision has helped.  I still have a few loose ends to tie up with CCC's show, loan payments and dry cleaning and such.  I'm working on cleaning out the basement and putting my best vintage finds on Etsy, which is also incredibly time-consuming if you want to have a nice shop with good pictures.  During my hiatus the peas all died, and the garden has become quite overgrown.  The carrots seem to be doing well, and the squash is out of control, so this year hasn't been a total bust... but still not what I had hoped for.  We also haven't done any of the household projects yet that we had planned.  It's partially been finances and partially the fact that I can't really do it by myself, and now that Husband is back at the prison his hours are much more rigid.  I need to start planning for the Peanut Gallery show I am directing in the fall, and I am debating auditioning for a show in Saginaw that some friends of mine are directing.  I had several editorial shoots that I really wanted to get done this summer (and time is passing quickly!), and I need to get a website up and running for that.  I think next year in lieu of focusing on CSOM, I will be putting more energies into the photography, making it legit and such.  I do want some sort of outside job, as it is very nice to have extra money, and Husband and I enjoy eating out. 

Sometimes, too, having a social life seems like more a chore than anything else.  Having friends and outside interests has always been a priority for me, but in the post-collegiate world it becomes increasingly harder to manage.  I still have the problem with location - the real friends that we want to hang out with all live 30 min. + away, whereas local friends are usually more tiring.  I'm not a soccer mom type, and I never will be.  I'm not big into celebrities or pulp news, and I don't watch reality TV (well, except ANTM, but we'll just ignore that for the sake of the point.)  I'm not queer about men; this is a difficult one to describe - a local friend of mine recently began dating, and her friends (who are some of the more tiresome people) are so QUEER about it.  Like, "tee-hee, you LIKE him!"  It's ridiculous and embarrassing for all involved.  I've never been one to have "token" friends (I have this AFRICAN AMERICAN friend, you see... One of my BEST FRIENDS is GAY!), and I sort of look down on people who do.  I have many gay friends and several friends who are black, but I am not friends with them because I think it will make my life more like Sex and the City.  I don't name drop.  I don't think that I am more important than I am, nor do I think that this town is so COSMOPOLITAN.  I don't think Pure Romance parties are SO MUCH FUN, and on the other side of it, I am not interested in drinking the night away with toothless hicks at some townie bar on M-20.  This makes relationships difficult to maintain, as there is usually an hour or so travel time involved in hanging out.  I sincerely love having dinners with friends, or just casual visits.  I have this vision in my head of Saturday night dinners where we get together, cook, laugh, drink, and have a good time.  Where our kids grow up together.  I don't think that is such a unobtainable goal.  It just seems increasingly harder to find.

It's just such a balance - working from home can be super exhausting, with no real end in sight.  I can usually handle it better than this, but recently (perhaps due to the unbearable heat as well!) I've just wanted to curl up and wait for it to pass. Moving seems more and more appealing (again - I have such a love-hate relationship with this town).  Oh well.  I'm sure this too shall pass.

-Jess