Resolve... or lack Thereof...

I don't have the best resolve.  I have always been pretty good at rationalizing my behavior and silencing that little voice inside that thinks that I really have better things to do than watch entire seasons of Desperate Housewives on Netflix.  I am an expert at half-asleep math (the extremely rapid and accurate mental math of the person who wants to calculate the very last minute they can get out of bed without getting fired).  The amount of time I spend procrastinating is really sort of sickening as an adult woman.  I am not saying this to be funny - I am actually pretty embarrassed at my ability to let myself off the hook again and again.

It should not be a surprise, then, that I have never been good at New Year's Resolutions.  I am sure that you are thinking, 'of course not... NYRs are only something you drunkenly boast about on New Year's Eve.  They have sort of become a national joke.'  But the sad fact is, I really start each year with the best of intentions.  Even though a year mark is nothing but an arbitrary timeline, I secretly believe every time that this year will be different, that this year I will finally get it all together and become the person I have always wanted to be.

So this year - THIS YEAR - will be different.

Here are the reasons that I am excited about 2012:

• My first out of the country experience will be an awesome one - Austria, Hungary, Germany, Czech Republic.  It's happening.  It's paid for.  It's the best Christmas gift ever, and I am stoked.  Y'all may not realize, but I have been travel-obsessed since middle school, and sat patiently watching while literally every one of my friends and acquaintances had fabulous European/Australian adventures.  I am not even a little embarrassed to cheer: it's finally my turn, beeyotches!  Yeah, beeyotches.  I am bringing it back.
• Avenue Q at the MCFTA.  It's probably a horrible idea to get my hopes up, given my history with this establishment, but I can't help but think that Kate Monster is a part that was made for me.  If my age and physical appearance is stopping me from getting leads, let's see someone rationalize my way out of playing a PUPPET.
• A new tapas place and wine bar sourcing local food opening up.  I love new restaurants, tapas, and local food, so this is obviously a good thing for a town where the culinary claim-to-fame was once that we still had a Bennigans.
• Friends moving to Midland.  Our friends James and Sherrie (who are expecting their daughter in a couple of weeks, which is also exciting) could very possibly be purchasing a home in the Midland area, which is pretty much the most exciting thing ever.  Having friends here would improve this town SO MUCH, and we love them and their kids.
• Potentially (sssh! Don't tell the in-laws!) starting a family.  This is a big, scary, nauseating bundle of awesome that I don't really want to talk more about, because I don't like to get psyched up about things that might not happen.  Okay, that's a lie, I totally like to get psyched up about things that might not happen (see: rest of this list), but for some reason not this.  It's probably a weird privacy thing that lets me air all my shortcomings on a public blog, but won't let me talk about having babies.  Oh well, let's not analyze that too much.

So 2012 will be a big year.  Hopefully for more reasons than just these, though, because THIS IS THE YEAR: this is the year where everything will be different, and I will finally find a way to exercise some self-discipline.  I will get in relative control of my life, and finally become the person I have always wanted to be.  Here's how:

1. Throw out more stuff.  This is actually a mid-year resolution that is continuing, because it is a slow process and I have hoarder tendencies and a cluttered aesthetic.  Last year I worked on my living room and kitchen through the year was awesome, and I literally closed out the basement yesterday morning (a daunting task that included the gathering, cleaning, and removal of over 50 garbage bags and at least 6 boxes of costumes, props, and old clothes that had found their way down there.  It's like our house has doubled in size.)  This year I would like to finish decluttering the den, mud room, and garage.  (NOTE: Upon re-reading this, I realized that I actually do sound like a hoarder.  The basement was by far the worst place in my house because of all the costuming I used to do.  We aren't drowning in junk, and I can find my cat and dog with ease.)
2. Finish household projects.  Husband and I have this horrible tendency to get projects nearly to the finish line and quit once they're good enough.  This year we need to get good trim in the bathroom, wall off the window, put in the fan, trim the doors in the kitchen and mud room, and secure and finish off the dog yard.  Also, I would like to get one of the biggies done this year - new windows or new siding, unless the roof springs a leak or the water heater goes or something.
3. Lose 60 pounds by May.  Those of you who haven't seen me in a long time, or see me often and haven't noticed, may not be aware that I have gained 75 pounds in the three years since moving to Midland.  It's a pretty shocking number, and I am just recently coming to terms with it, as I have never been a dieter and have always thought of myself in the heavy/normal range.  My goal last year was to stop the gain, and I can safely say I did that, yo-yoing around the last 15 pounds for the last 6 months and coming out 7 pounds under my heaviest weight.  I know everyone says they want to lose weight for their NYRs, but if I am even considering becoming pregnant, I definitely want to be in better physical shape before that happens.  I also want to look good in my vacation pictures, but that's neither here nor there.  Here's my plan:
1. I need to lose 12 pounds a month.  That's 3 pounds a week, ambitious but doable.  Honestly, I am not concerned about numbers as much as I am overall health and fitness, so even if I were to gain 20 pounds of muscle, I am not going to freak out (except I might look like a girl Arnold Schwarzzanegger, and I am not wild about that idea.)
2. I am signing up for Zumba 2 nights a week.  I have done Zumba before, and found it to be fun and a great workout.  My mom and I will definitely be doing one night, and I am hoping I can find a friend to come another night.  
3. I am doing a two-birds, one-stone deal by visiting my mom once a week for lunch, and using their home gym equipment.  
4. Cooking better food.  Last year I experimented with some great recipes that have found thier way into our rotation.  I hope to keep it up this year!
5. Eating out once a week.  Last year I wanted to eat at only local restaurants.  This worked in the sense that we found some great local restaurants that have quickly become our favorites.  It did not, however, cut down on the "I'm too tired to cook, let's have Taco Bell," situations that arise whenever I am working late or in a show.  This is also where our disposable income goes: see next item.
4. Save more money.  We used to be pretty good at this (and lets face it, I am the offender here), but since I have been working I haven't had the guilt-check that stops me from buying the things I want.  We have a good plan for spending, I just need to stick to it.  And we need to eat out less.
5. Write.  I hope to blog more, I definitely want to start writing again.  It's surprising how something that used to be a huge part of your life can vanish in just a few short years.  Also, reading - I am sure I read less books last year than in any other year of my life. I probably finished four or five.  I used to do that in a week.
6. Make time for God.  This is something that I am also embarrassed about - sometimes the things that are the most important are the things that you set aside when you get busy.  I'd like to give God 5-10 minutes every morning, hopefully to bring more focus to my day.
7. Get out more.  Walking and hiking is one of my favorite things to do, but this year I was a total hermit. Also, my poor dog has not been getting the amount of walks that he grew accustomed to when we were new and zealous dog owners.
8. Keep in better touch with friends.  I feel like I am an all-or-nothing kind of person - I probably hang out with old friends more than most adults in my age-range (partially because of the swinging child-free lifestyle that I am currently enjoying), but my ability to just drop a note or call is horrible.
9. Date night.  I would like to make one of our eating-out nights a date night.  After four years of marriage, you start to run out of things to talk about when you go only to restaurants that have TVs in them.
10. Enjoy more.  This is always a resolution every year, and every year I do relatively well, but fall short of say, Color Me Katie or Bohemian Musings.  I am never going to live in a New York Loft or sing in an all-girl band, but I can still find a little bit of joy or happiness in every day, and if I can do that, I will be a success.

Looking over the list, it's a lot.  Don't ever say that I wasn't ambitious.  But do you know the one thing that I think eats up the most of my time that could be used productively?  The thing that keeps me from writing, hiking, calling up an old friend, reading a book, having an adventure, trying a new restaurant, or taking a new class?  TV, particularly Netflix.  It is sort of shocking how MUCH time I spend watching TV.  It's another thing I am honestly embarrassed about.  I, being a bookish, indie sort of person, should be the one turning my TV into a fish tank or something, not sitting on the couch in front of it for hours and hours every day.  I have a suspicion that when people say that they don't have time for things, it's largely because of that.  I know it is for me.  And it really can't continue like that.

<3 Jessica