Gratitude

• I have a healthy, able body.  I can jump, do a somersalt, curl my hair, wiggle my nose, and walk on the balls of my feet for a very long time.
• I live in a country without war or famine.  I have the freedom to publicly air my opinions on things without fear of retribution.  I am never hungry, have clean running hot and cold water, and access to a doctor if I need one.
• I have been married for 5 years, and I honestly think I am more in love now than I ever have been.
• We had several surprise expenses come up, and we were able to pay for all of them.  We can afford our mortgage, automobiles, groceries, animals, and still have money leftover for internet, eating out or shopping, and weekend trips every once in a while.
• I have several amazing and true friendships in my life.  I have people who choose to see me in thier time off, without me forcing them to.
• I have two families.  My grandparents are still doing well.  I enjoy spending time with my parents and brother.  I am expecting a new niece or nephew in less than a month.
• We both have jobs that we don't hate, that pay our bills and give us a sense of purpose.

I am currently wrapped in a cozy sweater in my own house, drinking coconut water and baking sweet potato cupcakes.  In about 15 hours I will be sitting down to a feast with my family.  Sometimes it's tempting to look at all of the things that have gone wrong in your life, the things that you wish were better or the things you still have left to accomplish.  But when you really look at your life, it's mind-boggling how blessed we really are.  No matter the whitewashed historical atrocities, the rush to get into the Christmas spirit, or the simple "blah" nature of this time of year in Michigan, we sure do have a lot to be thankful for.

Fall in Photos...

Balloon fest right over my house...

Bubby enjoys the newly painted guest room...

A kitty on a new comforter...

Eek!  Scary (but harmless) spider!

Punkins!

Ponies...

Piglets...

Oompa Loompa Makeup Room...

Edward Sharpe...

Also the Magnetic Zeros...

Mary Chapin Carpenter

Caught in a rainstorm at Calvin College...

To see the Mountain Goats!

Costs...

Have spent a significant part of this blue autumn thinking about costs.

I feel like we (and here I mean a collective 'we', specifically a Western/White/Post Gen X 'we', but I am sure it applies to more than that...) have become so detached from what things cost.  If you care about having nice things, you need to pay for them.

If you want a good, healthy body, you have to be willing to work for it.  You can't eat whatever you like, and you have to get regular exercise.

If you want a relationship to last, you have to be willing to humble yourself.  Instead of looking out for your interests, you have to put others before yourself.

If you want your society to reflect something, you have to be willing to sacrifice to make that happen.  Social change almost always comes with blood... reposting a picture-with-text message does less than nothing.

If you find something that is cheap, something that promises a magic fix, then you need to know that that cost is being cut somewhere.  Somebody suffered during production, something is not being made correctly, somewhere down the line, something is being skipped.  Every good thing in this world has its' costs, and we have reached a point where we are unwilling to pay them.

To quote "Once Upon a Time," which I have become a wee bit obessed with, "All magic comes with a price."  When will our bill come due?

I quit Facebook!

Getting sick of all the negativity in my life, and we all know I can't stand being inactive when something is bothering me...

So far I have noticed that I have a lot more time.  It also kind of makes me feel like I have no friends, because Facebook gives you the illusion of socializing.  Also because all of my friends live miles and miles away, and/or have small children which I guess makes it so you can't do anything with anyone, ever.

I've been feeling blue.  Having OEE dreams again.  It doesn't help that fall is my favorite time of year, the time when new things happen, perfect outdoor weather abounds, and there is nothing better than an active day, hearty meal, and sitting around a bonfire as the stars come out.  I wonder if I will always look back on that time in my life as one of the best?

I just find myself midlly annoyed with EVERYONE recently.  Except Husband.  But I am  mildly annoyed with his schedule (as always when he works third shift), so, yes, everyone.  I try not to be selfish - I know everyone's lives don't revolve around me, and I (sub)conciously choose to be around people whose lives DON'T revolve around me because I am uncomfortable with that level of dependance from another person.  But, on the other hand, I don't think it's too much to ask that friendship run both ways... that people think of me every once in a while, too.  I literally NEVER get messages/emails from anyone.  I have been contacted to do something one time in the past six months - other than that, I have always been the one to contact.  The ONLY way I have anyone in my life other than Brother and Husband is because I call them and make all the arrangements.   It's because I invite them over, and/or throw parties at my house with free food. It gets old (and expensive).  I don't know if my friends who live in other cities realize that I would not be visiting that city if not for them.  I know Midland's not glamorous, but it's nice to have visitors sometimes, and I'm fun, dammit!

Speaking of money... can I just say that I have TWO friends who have literally no money.  They are both one-income families that make less than we do, and one has three kids the other has 1 1/2.  It sucks, and makes it difficult to do things that don't involve chilling at thier house, but it's not really thier fault.  They do the best they can, and I get that.  For everyone else - what is the deal?  Why can't you save $10 a month?  Why do you always use money as an excuse for why you can't do things?  Isn't it really that your priorities aren't hanging out with me?  I mean, that's okay, it's just good to know beforehand I guess...

Speaking of kids... I like kids!  In fact, I love kids.  I work with kids all day.  I think they are funny and smart, and I love being around them.  I will watch your kids if you can give me some advance notice.  I like to hang out with you and your kids at your house sometimes.  I hope have some of my own kids.  Maybe my opinon on this will change when I do, and I'll look back and laugh at how naive I was... but I hope not.  Because here's the thing - when you have kids, they take over every aspect of your life, and it's changed forever.  I get that.  What I don't get is... why can't you find a babysitter occasionally?  People I know who have kids literally never leave the house once they do (not just newborns, because of course it's different with little babies).  I'm not asking much... maybe twice a year?  Not just for me, but because it is super unhealthy to never go out with just adults!  And the message that you send to me (sometimes literally) is, I would rather, always, spend time with my child than with you.  I expect to take the back burner to important people in your life, and your child will always be the most important person in your life... but I can't handle feeling like I am not important at all to you.  That's not friendship, it's a relationship of comvenience, and I hope I never do it to someone else.

I remember a time when I had friends who I felt like were real friends.  People I could talk to about things, but also people who would be interested in seeing me, going for a walk, going shopping, or just hanging out and watching a movie.  Now, through a series of moves, I have lost that network.  I have some great friends to visit when I travel in-state, and quite a few out of state as well.  But by nature that's not going to be IT for me, friendship-wise. 

I struggled to build that here.  It's hard to find like-minded people in this place, for various reasons that I have already blogged about.  But honestly last year, at this time, I was arranging my birthday party, and I was pretty proud of the results.  I felt like I had developed a nice network.  Somehow this year it all fell apart.  I feel like people are going through things that they don't want me to be there for... that's your choice, but I can definitely be more than a fairweather friend if you let me.  I feel like others just frankly don't like me that much - at least that's what I get from thier actions.  Quite honestly, the only friend who is coming this year has come every year, who will come no matter what, because she's my closest and oldest friend.  I know I have mentioned how lucky I am to have that, and I feel truly blessed.  But still...

Even though I am married, I still feel like that kind of relationship is important.  I still feel like making time for other people, having them over, just dropping a note to say hello - these things are important.  So, it sounds to me like I am taking applications!

Wanted: A Friend Network in the tri-City Area...

What I Don't Expect:

• You to quit your job or otherwise hurt your work schedule
• You to buy me nice things, even on my birthday, even if I buy you things, which I will do.  That's just a me-thing.
• You to neglect time with your children or significant other.  Obviously they are your family and the most important people in your life, and I definitely should take a second (or third) seat to that.
• Us to get along about everything.  People have different opinions about things, and I enjoy a good (civil) conversation about religion or politics in the proper atmosphere. 
• You to spend a lot of money.

What I Expect:

• You to want to see me sometimes, and to follow up on it.  Seriously, I am not needy, but it would be swell to have a friend who sometimes wrote me or called me. 
• You to not be needy either.  I can't handle a really dependant friendship.  I will be there for you through hard times, but not if those hard times are neverending.  I won't always be immediately available to you.  I don't expect or want that from you either.
• You to be able to spend some money.  I don't expect a lot, and I will always pay my own way, but sometimes I like to go out to lunch or to a movie.
• You to be an intelligent person. You don't have to be a genius or anything, but somebody who thinks about things and can talk about them.
• You to enjoy some of the things that I do.  Taking Walks.  Reading.  Talking.  Shopping (especially thrift shopping).  Board Games.  Trying new food.  Theater.  Art.  Independant Music and Going to Concerts.  Outdoor Sports (Hiking, Kayaking, Etc.)  Playing with my Dog.  Having drinks.  Karaoke.  I have a lot of interests, so chances are we will not have a problem here.  I am not interested in clubbing, playing online video games, using a lot of drugs (a little doesn't bother me if you do it, but don't expect company), intense roleplaying games or games with a lot of rules, anything with "getting drunk" as one of the main objectives, sitting around complaining, surfing the internet.

Bonus if you're married and double bonus if your husband likes nerdy things like computer games.
No prerequesits necessary.

Here's My Opinion (And You're Not Gonna Like It...)

Oooookay... I have been staying out of this one, because it immediately became an emotionally charged feeding frenzy, but since it has been WEEKS and it STILL won't die, here's the deal:

Representative Todd Akin spoke thoughtlessly when he implied that there is such a thing as "legitimate rape."  This took an emotionally charged topic and set it off the deep end, not only ensuring that nobody would listen to him for the rest of his career, but causing a lot of fallout as well.  This incident is a perfect example of why most people in the public eye should not answer questions on the fly.

As long as one assumes that he wasn't referring to false rape claims (which DO happen, believe it or not, Law and Order SVU...), his intent was probably to use the word "violent rape," or some other term to distinguish between a single violent assault and cases of statutory or incestual rape.  First off, let me say that HE DID NOT MAKE THIS UP.  The idea seems to be (from all sides of this disagreement) that this guy is just some idiot who thinks that "people who are raped have different storks," (-excerpt from Bill Nye's vile profanity-laced tirade that I was treated to this morning, which not only ensured that he has lost my financial support for the rest of my life, but that I might be legitimately swearing off of facebook... more on that later.)  Hey, did you know that you can still believe in science even if you are a Christian?  Crazy, right?

Here are the facts (I have tried to use relatively unbiased sources, but I am sure that these percentages are not completely accurate... safe to say they are a decent starting point, though):

One in six women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.  About 50% of those will include vaginal penetration.  So that puts our base number at 1 in 12 or a little over 8%

There is a 5% chance of a woman becoming pregnant from a one-time unprotected sexual encounter.  (http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-victims)

About 10% of women are infertile.  (http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/infertility.cfm)

More than 50% of women of childbearing years are using oral contraceptives/IUDs.  (http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_contr_use.html)

Some rapists use a condom to avoid DNA detection or STDs  - maybe up to 15%.  (http://www.nytimes.com/1994/08/22/nyregion/rapists-and-condoms-is-use-a-cavalier-act-or-a-way-to-avoid-disease-and-arrest.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm)

Now you can't add all of these percentages together, because a woman might be both infertile AND using birth control, or a might be vaginally raped with a condom.  A fertile non-birth-control using woman might be vaginally raped by a non-condom-wearing attacker. It might happen.  I am sure it has happened.  But Rep.Todd Akin said, "...From what I understand, THAT'S REALLY RARE..."  Not - "That doesn't happen."    Looking at this info, even if you don't agree with it, you have to admit that his statement of rape-related pregnancies being rare is relatively accurate, or at least has some standing in reality.

Now from what I understand, a woman's chances of becoming pregnant lower when she is being put through acute physical or emotional trauma.  I don't feel like looking this up because I am not immediately finding it on google, but it stands to reason that if trauma is a significant cause of fetus mortality (http://journals.lww.com/greenjournal/Abstract/2009/07000/Trauma_in_Pregnancy.25.aspx) that it would also be a hindrance to becoming pregnant.  I think that is what he is saying by the stupidly phrased "female body has ways of shutting that whole thing down."

So, think what you might about Akin's remarks, the fact is that they are based in a widely held belief.  People use rape as a reason to justify abortion.  In my opinion, THAT is what is "indefensible."

The whole sticking point of abortion issues are - WHEN does a person become a person?  If you are pro-choice, you have a sticky decision to make.  You, like our government, must take into account arbitrary deadlines (179 days = not a person, but on that 180th day... Bam!  Now it's a person)  You must decide when a fetus is wanted and when it is not (killing a pregnant first trimester woman is a double murder?)  But if you believe that a fetus is a person the moment that it is conceived, then your job is simple.  Is abortion taking a life?  Even a potential one?  If so, it is immoral, and if it is immoral, that is absolute.  It is no less the taking of a life if the woman was raped.  We do not justify taking one life in the place of another unless both sides can consent.

My heart is heavy with the society that we have created.  It is extremely disturbing that 1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted in thier lifetimes.  I already know of at least 10 women in my own life who have been the victims of assault.  As a society, instead of putting band-aids on the gaping wounds that our actions are causing, we need to start the healing.  We need to teach our sons how to be men.  We need to teach our girls to be smart in the men that they choose.  We need to have compassionate care for all women, and we need to get rid of the stigma that still attaches itself to the victims of assault.  We need to condemn sexual predators for what they are, not laugh it off when the rapist is attractive or well-liked.  We need to be a society that abhors evil, and one that provides compassion for men and women who are in trouble for whatever reason.  A pregnancy should not be a punishment (well, you did it to yourself, so now live with it!), but neither is abortion the answer that we are looking for.  Instead of focusing so much on laws, we need to start focusing on hearts.  When responsibility mingles with compassion, that is going to be the morally right place to start.

July, July

Oh, and as usual the summer is getting away from me!  How is it mid-July already?

So far the summer has been pretty uneventful - movies, Farmer's Market, bike rides with the husband (when it hasn't been ungodly hot), working on TMI costumes... a few photo sessions sprinkled here and there, but not too busy.

I watched Avatar: The Last Airbender (the series) and found it enjoyable - a unique blend of classic high fantasy, kung fu movies, and traditional anime.  While the plotlines are simple and easy for children to follow, the characters are rather developed for a modern child's show, and the concepts are well-executed.  Overall, it's either a pretty decent show for adults or one of the best children's shows that has been made in the past 30 years.  I prefer to think of it as the latter.

I had a marvelous Fourth of July party, with great friends, backyard karaoke, a hot dog bar, sparklers, and a jet engine fan due to the 100 plus degree weather...

I visited my Grandpa for his 80th birthday.  I don't know if I ever blogged about his stroke in May, but it was a very scary time for our whole family.  My grandparents are very independent people, and they also tend to underplay situations... luckily my dad and his siblings teamed together to get Grandpa to the hospital, and after a lot of physical therapy he is doing much better.  It was great to see him.

I visited my dear Francine TWO WEEKENDS IN A ROW, which was marvelous and unusual.  I can't really say any words about her, except that I was having breakfast with my mom a few days ago and we were talking about how friendship is not competitive or envious, it's a place that you can rest your head and let down your guard.  She was mentioning that she's never found that.  I feel like most people haven't, and I am so SO blessed that I have.

A few of my other friendships have been growing as well.  S and I performed at a karaoke competition at the casino, and celebrated our utter mediocrity with red velvet pancakes at IHOP.  And then sat in the Bay City Fireworks traffic for over an hour and a half.  It could have been a disaster, but the company made it a great night.  D and I had a great time as usual on our coffee/Farmers Market morning a few weeks ago.  I am excited to have a friend so intelligent and passionate in my life.  I also reconnected with my high school friend A (again) and am enjoying getting to know him as an adult.  I hope that we can keep in touch now that he's back at work.

I spent the day yesterday doing costumes for CATS.  It was a long and hot day with quite a few hiccups, but very productive.  I think that people were very pleased with what I've done so far (Which is good, because it is a crap ton of work!)

I'm sure there's more than this, but Husband is out of the shower!  Have a marvelous week!

Here's my Opinion (You're Not Gonna Like It...)

Okay, so most of you by now have seen the 10-minute-long video of 64-year-old Karen Klein being "bullied" (for lack of a better word) by some middle school boys on the school bus.  I know that bullying is the hot button issue this year, but I have some strong opinions about that, and in the wake of all of this fuss and bother, I thought I should air them.

First off, this is nothing new.  Seeing this video reminds me of the "crazy witch lady" in town... people have always preyed upon the weak and marginalized as a way to reaffirm their place in mainstream society.  Yes, these kids are little shits, and yes, as parents and school systems there need to be punishments in place, but stop wailing about it like it's the end of the world - this is nothing new, the only difference is that thanks to the internet and the profoundly stupid act of recording it, we can see it.

Next, put yourself in this scenario.  You are a paid childcare provider whose sole job is to make sure kids don't act up on the bus.  Kids start acting up on the bus.  What do you do?  Do you sit there and let them call you a fatass and cry, or do you stand up at the next stop and kick them off the bus?  Take their names, report to the school and the parents.  Make the kids sit in separate seats.  There's also a bus driver, so enlist his/her help if the kids won't move.  This can't be the first time this has happened, and there have to be disciplinary structures in place for kids who are acting out.  You are the adult, and it is your job to model good behavior and command respect.  If you can't do that, you have no place in education of any sort.  Kids have called me this and worse, but you can't let it get out of control or you end up with the sort of feeding frenzy that happened here.

Anyone who has worked with children knows a Karen.  There are two types - one is the easygoing, laugh-it-off type who lets kids get away with murder by the way they talk to you.  They don't demand respect because they are afraid of enforcing rules, and they don't believe that they are able to.  Or they don't want to deal with the fallout of having done something that kids don't like.  You'll notice in this particular video that the kids have a conversational, mature tone to thier mocking - "Do you have herpes, Karen?"  This implies to me that it was not the first time that the conversation between her and these kids got too personal/familiar.

The other type is the huffy-puffy type - they yell and lecture, but take very little action.  They overreact to small things done by the weaker kids, but don't stand up to the strong ones.  Thier punishments are overblown or not serious enough.  They yell a lot to hide the fact that they are actually very ineffective, whether due to laziness or simply not knowing how to handle things.  My guess is that Karen tried to discipline the kids before this hideous tirade, and that's what led to the "bullying."  I'm sure that they unwittingly hit a nerve when talking about suicide, and that's why she was crying, but if she was at the point where she could no longer effectively discipline these kids, she needed to get help from the bus driver.

Also, these kids need effective discipline dealt out fairly, not the great internet lynch mob sending them hate mail or other kids beating them up.  The bus is not a right, so first off they need to be suspended from riding it for the rest of the year.  I was talking to Husband about this, and when I was growing up people got kicked off the bus all the time.  It's a safety issue, and if kids can't respect the rules then their parents are going to have to figure out how to get them to school.  One would hope that the parents of these boys would figure out a way for them to make restitution, and have a long discussion about respect.  Also, the phones would be gone - especially for the kid who filmed it.

I am guessing by the less-than-immediate response from the school that this is not the first time that Karen has run up against similar situations.  She is either too kindhearted or too unpredictable to be working with children, and the school knows it.  My point here is that yes, this is a terrible incident, but it happened not as a result of bullying, but as a result of ineffective discipline by a paid employee.  "Giving Karen a vacation" with $500,000 seems a little ridiculous when you think of all of the teachers and bus drivers who control situations so that they don't get to this point every day.


We can talk more about real bullying another day, because I have some opinions about that too.

Tidying Thursday...

My goal with this day is to share something that makes my house/body/life a bit neater.  I think today I will spotlight one of my favorite shows, "How Clean is Your House?"  There is actually an American version that is still entertaining, but today I'd like to talk about the British Version. 

Anyone who knows me knows I am a sucker for shows where bossy people barge in and tell you how to live your life.  Super Nanny, Dog Whisperer, Clean House... I am obsessed with the intoxicating combo of voyeurism, helpful hints, and motivation.  Kim Woodburn and Aggie Mackenzie are the perfect hosts of this British cleaning show, and not only do the nightmare houses that they invade make you want to take a shower (after cleaning it of course), they show plenty of affordable cleaning tips.  

Now if you remember I am a big fan of Method cleaning products... I love the mild fragrances and how gentle they are on surfaces, hands, and pets.  They are the only supplies I purchase - the rest of my cleaning is done with common household items.  Here are a few can't-miss household tips that I have gleaned from watching this show.

1. Baking Soda is invaluable.  I use it for lots of things, but one of my favorites is a simple drain cleaner... Prime your drains with boiling water, pour baking soda down the drain and add plenty of white vinegar.  The famous "volcano" reaction of elementary school busts up mild clogs and helps keep things running smoothly.
2. Toothpaste is a very mild abrasive.  I use it to clean my bathtub, sink, stovetop, and other places that get really gunky - and it smells great!  Always use plain non-gel kind.
3. Lemons are a good degreaser... I literally rubbed a cut lemon on a very greasy part of my stove and it took it right off.  Just be sure to wipe it off with a damp cloth after you're done, since the acid might not be good for certain surfaces.
4. Fruit flies are a pest that we always have to deal with come summer.  The best trap that I have found to get rid of them is a mason jar with plastic wrap covering the top.  Poke a few small holes in the top and fill about 1/4 of the way with apple cider vinegar or similar fruit juice (vinegar works best right away.)  Put a few drops of dish detergent on the top of the water to destroy the surface tension, and the flies go in and drown.
5. Put a thin layer of shaving cream on mirrors to avoid fogging after showers.  Be sure to avoid any kind with moisturizer or fancy scents - generally the cheaper the better!

Sleep can be a Beast...

It's incredibly difficult to get into a schedule when you for some reason sleep until 1:00 in the afternoon.  Hopefully this won't become a habit, I hate losing half of the day.  Here's what I've been up to, though!

Playing on Slides...

Chasing babies...

Hanging with the Nephews...

Watching cars go fast...

Saying Goodbye...

Settling Catan...

Also watching a lot of old movies.  Like, a lot.  Because it has been REALLY humid and gross.

And going for two hour walks at midnight.

AND planning costumes for 31 Jellicle cats.  

Peanut does NOT like it when you sing the "Jellicle Cats" song loudly in her face when she's sleeping.  Odd, because she doesn't seem to mind meowing loudly in mine when I am sleeping...

Make Something Monday: Home Management Binder Edition!

The results of my first "Make Something Mondays" have gone well, with my home management binder arranged and in use:

Organized!

I love this, and hope that it will be useful.  I followed the instructions found at A Bowl Full of Lemons, and she has a really amazing etsy friend who will sell you printables at a very  reasonable price.  Since I am both a cheapo and pretty lazy, I didn't want to run the risk of buying a bunch of printables and not using them, so I hunted around to find free ones.  I use Week at a Glance, Menu Planner and Shopping List, Monthly Budget, Gas Log, and several other printables which I am not as happy with.  This is definitely a great project to do, and required a bit of start up time, some patience to develop new habits, and of course printer ink.  Definitely worth a go!

Salzburg - The End of Our Adventure!

We got in to Salzburg on the tail of our second rain of the trip (the first being a little storm outside of Prague - so fortunate!)  Our hotel was very nice, but the boys were a little cramped in thier room.  The area was also a little sketchy, being outside of a train station.  But the bathroom - oh that bathroom!  It was heavenly!  That night we just played some cards in the hotel and got Burger King for dinner (Austrian Burger King serves CURLY FRIES!)

Janos told us the next morning that many things in Salzburg might be closed, because that weekend was a holiday in Austria.  We were so lucky!  Most of the touristy things were open, but the crowds were small because everyone was in church!

We took a tram up the mountain (fun!) and got in to the beautiful Hohensalzburg Castle grounds.  What an amazing view!

 I think this was the most surreal part of the trip.  We don't have ANY mountains back home, and even driving through the Rockies was nothing like that!  We took a tour of the castle, which was informative but a bit dry.  Here's a torture wheel in a tower dungeon, though...

Husband mans the cannon...

For some reason a Marionette Museum...

Marionettes were creepy/cool.

 We got back down to the town square just in time to beat the other tourist crowds.

Pretzel time!

Giant Chess Set (Made me think of the Kids from Eureka!)

Creepiest.  Statue.  Ever.  Hiding around a corner giving people heart attacks.

Gorgeous church with an Archbishop or other Mucky-Muck speaking.

Fountain!

Lots of people wearing things like this...

Mozart was born here!

More chillin with Mozart!

 People in this area freakin LOVE Mozart.  I mean, you saw how Mozart-heavy Vienna was?  Well, he actually LIVED in Salzburg, so he is EVERYWHERE here.

Overall our time in Salzburg was pretty much perfect.  We grabbed lunch at a little pastry shop, and then it was another long bus ride back to Munich for our farewell dinner.  Many of these sights were the same ones we had already seen (and I didn't take any in Munich proper - whoops!), but we were all pretty tired and ready to go home the next morning.  This was really the trip of a lifetime!