Another Year Gone...

I can't believe it's 2013 already! 2012 was kind of a downer year, despite the several amazing adventures that were had:

The Brother Graduates, gets a real job and an apartment!  *Sniff*

Our Family's first international trip - here Husband and I are in  Mondsee, Austria

Backpacking with Brett at the Dunes!

Bidding farewell to friend and teacher Jenn before her So Cal move

The nephews at the car races for Father's Day

1st Annual Independance Day Party!

Costumes for TMI's CATS

Brief Truce for warmth on the couch...

Girls Vacation - Road Trip Style!

Canoeing the Platte

Punkin Carving!

Willy Wonka

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Train ride to Chicago

Newborn Niece!

There have been some struggles - I feel as though this year I've had a sort of looming depression just around the bend for much of the time, and I'm not really sure of the source.  I have been stressed about some personal issues, as well as some professional ones.  I watch too much TV.  I sleep too much.

I read 7 books last year, two of which were on my to-read list ("Push" by Sapphire, and "Love in the time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.)  This year I'm shooting for one book a month, hopefully half of which will be literature.

I watched several movies on my to-watch list, notably "Little Miss Sunshine," "All About Eve," "Seven Samurai," and "Trainspotting."  I'd like to start watching more movies that matter, particularly Criterion Collection movies.

I feel like last year was not a really good year for friendships.  I've kept in touch well with old friends in faraway places (as much as to be expected), but I feel like local friendships have suffered.  This year I'd like to make more of an effort to keep in touch with people, as well as have a few more parties.

I have lost about 15 pounds this year - not nearly what I was hoping, but still a good start.  I've found a couple of new recipes that I love, including this Guilt-free Chocolate Fudge Pie, this BLTizza, this BBQ Chicken Quinoa Salad, and this Roasted Red Pepper Goat Cheese Alfredo (which may be my new favorite meal!).  I am happy with where we've landed eating-wise, and would love to continue exploring new recipes in the coming year.  We also will be getting our first GYM MEMBERSHIPS - eek!  I hope to keep chipping away at my weight gain and hopefully make 2013 my healthiest year yet.

People like to make fun of New Years Resolutions... but to me there's something sort of cathartic about them.  Reviewing the old year, measuring it up to your expectations and creating new goals for the coming year seems like the perfect thing to do on the long, cold winter nights after the post-Christmas buzz has died down.  It's important to know that the days will get longer again.  It's important to have hope.

Gratitude

• I have a healthy, able body.  I can jump, do a somersalt, curl my hair, wiggle my nose, and walk on the balls of my feet for a very long time.
• I live in a country without war or famine.  I have the freedom to publicly air my opinions on things without fear of retribution.  I am never hungry, have clean running hot and cold water, and access to a doctor if I need one.
• I have been married for 5 years, and I honestly think I am more in love now than I ever have been.
• We had several surprise expenses come up, and we were able to pay for all of them.  We can afford our mortgage, automobiles, groceries, animals, and still have money leftover for internet, eating out or shopping, and weekend trips every once in a while.
• I have several amazing and true friendships in my life.  I have people who choose to see me in thier time off, without me forcing them to.
• I have two families.  My grandparents are still doing well.  I enjoy spending time with my parents and brother.  I am expecting a new niece or nephew in less than a month.
• We both have jobs that we don't hate, that pay our bills and give us a sense of purpose.

I am currently wrapped in a cozy sweater in my own house, drinking coconut water and baking sweet potato cupcakes.  In about 15 hours I will be sitting down to a feast with my family.  Sometimes it's tempting to look at all of the things that have gone wrong in your life, the things that you wish were better or the things you still have left to accomplish.  But when you really look at your life, it's mind-boggling how blessed we really are.  No matter the whitewashed historical atrocities, the rush to get into the Christmas spirit, or the simple "blah" nature of this time of year in Michigan, we sure do have a lot to be thankful for.

Fall in Photos...

Balloon fest right over my house...

Bubby enjoys the newly painted guest room...

A kitty on a new comforter...

Eek!  Scary (but harmless) spider!

Punkins!

Ponies...

Piglets...

Oompa Loompa Makeup Room...

Edward Sharpe...

Also the Magnetic Zeros...

Mary Chapin Carpenter

Caught in a rainstorm at Calvin College...

To see the Mountain Goats!

Costs...

Have spent a significant part of this blue autumn thinking about costs.

I feel like we (and here I mean a collective 'we', specifically a Western/White/Post Gen X 'we', but I am sure it applies to more than that...) have become so detached from what things cost.  If you care about having nice things, you need to pay for them.

If you want a good, healthy body, you have to be willing to work for it.  You can't eat whatever you like, and you have to get regular exercise.

If you want a relationship to last, you have to be willing to humble yourself.  Instead of looking out for your interests, you have to put others before yourself.

If you want your society to reflect something, you have to be willing to sacrifice to make that happen.  Social change almost always comes with blood... reposting a picture-with-text message does less than nothing.

If you find something that is cheap, something that promises a magic fix, then you need to know that that cost is being cut somewhere.  Somebody suffered during production, something is not being made correctly, somewhere down the line, something is being skipped.  Every good thing in this world has its' costs, and we have reached a point where we are unwilling to pay them.

To quote "Once Upon a Time," which I have become a wee bit obessed with, "All magic comes with a price."  When will our bill come due?

I quit Facebook!

Getting sick of all the negativity in my life, and we all know I can't stand being inactive when something is bothering me...

So far I have noticed that I have a lot more time.  It also kind of makes me feel like I have no friends, because Facebook gives you the illusion of socializing.  Also because all of my friends live miles and miles away, and/or have small children which I guess makes it so you can't do anything with anyone, ever.

I've been feeling blue.  Having OEE dreams again.  It doesn't help that fall is my favorite time of year, the time when new things happen, perfect outdoor weather abounds, and there is nothing better than an active day, hearty meal, and sitting around a bonfire as the stars come out.  I wonder if I will always look back on that time in my life as one of the best?

I just find myself midlly annoyed with EVERYONE recently.  Except Husband.  But I am  mildly annoyed with his schedule (as always when he works third shift), so, yes, everyone.  I try not to be selfish - I know everyone's lives don't revolve around me, and I (sub)conciously choose to be around people whose lives DON'T revolve around me because I am uncomfortable with that level of dependance from another person.  But, on the other hand, I don't think it's too much to ask that friendship run both ways... that people think of me every once in a while, too.  I literally NEVER get messages/emails from anyone.  I have been contacted to do something one time in the past six months - other than that, I have always been the one to contact.  The ONLY way I have anyone in my life other than Brother and Husband is because I call them and make all the arrangements.   It's because I invite them over, and/or throw parties at my house with free food. It gets old (and expensive).  I don't know if my friends who live in other cities realize that I would not be visiting that city if not for them.  I know Midland's not glamorous, but it's nice to have visitors sometimes, and I'm fun, dammit!

Speaking of money... can I just say that I have TWO friends who have literally no money.  They are both one-income families that make less than we do, and one has three kids the other has 1 1/2.  It sucks, and makes it difficult to do things that don't involve chilling at thier house, but it's not really thier fault.  They do the best they can, and I get that.  For everyone else - what is the deal?  Why can't you save $10 a month?  Why do you always use money as an excuse for why you can't do things?  Isn't it really that your priorities aren't hanging out with me?  I mean, that's okay, it's just good to know beforehand I guess...

Speaking of kids... I like kids!  In fact, I love kids.  I work with kids all day.  I think they are funny and smart, and I love being around them.  I will watch your kids if you can give me some advance notice.  I like to hang out with you and your kids at your house sometimes.  I hope have some of my own kids.  Maybe my opinon on this will change when I do, and I'll look back and laugh at how naive I was... but I hope not.  Because here's the thing - when you have kids, they take over every aspect of your life, and it's changed forever.  I get that.  What I don't get is... why can't you find a babysitter occasionally?  People I know who have kids literally never leave the house once they do (not just newborns, because of course it's different with little babies).  I'm not asking much... maybe twice a year?  Not just for me, but because it is super unhealthy to never go out with just adults!  And the message that you send to me (sometimes literally) is, I would rather, always, spend time with my child than with you.  I expect to take the back burner to important people in your life, and your child will always be the most important person in your life... but I can't handle feeling like I am not important at all to you.  That's not friendship, it's a relationship of comvenience, and I hope I never do it to someone else.

I remember a time when I had friends who I felt like were real friends.  People I could talk to about things, but also people who would be interested in seeing me, going for a walk, going shopping, or just hanging out and watching a movie.  Now, through a series of moves, I have lost that network.  I have some great friends to visit when I travel in-state, and quite a few out of state as well.  But by nature that's not going to be IT for me, friendship-wise. 

I struggled to build that here.  It's hard to find like-minded people in this place, for various reasons that I have already blogged about.  But honestly last year, at this time, I was arranging my birthday party, and I was pretty proud of the results.  I felt like I had developed a nice network.  Somehow this year it all fell apart.  I feel like people are going through things that they don't want me to be there for... that's your choice, but I can definitely be more than a fairweather friend if you let me.  I feel like others just frankly don't like me that much - at least that's what I get from thier actions.  Quite honestly, the only friend who is coming this year has come every year, who will come no matter what, because she's my closest and oldest friend.  I know I have mentioned how lucky I am to have that, and I feel truly blessed.  But still...

Even though I am married, I still feel like that kind of relationship is important.  I still feel like making time for other people, having them over, just dropping a note to say hello - these things are important.  So, it sounds to me like I am taking applications!

Wanted: A Friend Network in the tri-City Area...

What I Don't Expect:

• You to quit your job or otherwise hurt your work schedule
• You to buy me nice things, even on my birthday, even if I buy you things, which I will do.  That's just a me-thing.
• You to neglect time with your children or significant other.  Obviously they are your family and the most important people in your life, and I definitely should take a second (or third) seat to that.
• Us to get along about everything.  People have different opinions about things, and I enjoy a good (civil) conversation about religion or politics in the proper atmosphere. 
• You to spend a lot of money.

What I Expect:

• You to want to see me sometimes, and to follow up on it.  Seriously, I am not needy, but it would be swell to have a friend who sometimes wrote me or called me. 
• You to not be needy either.  I can't handle a really dependant friendship.  I will be there for you through hard times, but not if those hard times are neverending.  I won't always be immediately available to you.  I don't expect or want that from you either.
• You to be able to spend some money.  I don't expect a lot, and I will always pay my own way, but sometimes I like to go out to lunch or to a movie.
• You to be an intelligent person. You don't have to be a genius or anything, but somebody who thinks about things and can talk about them.
• You to enjoy some of the things that I do.  Taking Walks.  Reading.  Talking.  Shopping (especially thrift shopping).  Board Games.  Trying new food.  Theater.  Art.  Independant Music and Going to Concerts.  Outdoor Sports (Hiking, Kayaking, Etc.)  Playing with my Dog.  Having drinks.  Karaoke.  I have a lot of interests, so chances are we will not have a problem here.  I am not interested in clubbing, playing online video games, using a lot of drugs (a little doesn't bother me if you do it, but don't expect company), intense roleplaying games or games with a lot of rules, anything with "getting drunk" as one of the main objectives, sitting around complaining, surfing the internet.

Bonus if you're married and double bonus if your husband likes nerdy things like computer games.
No prerequesits necessary.

Here's My Opinion (And You're Not Gonna Like It...)

Oooookay... I have been staying out of this one, because it immediately became an emotionally charged feeding frenzy, but since it has been WEEKS and it STILL won't die, here's the deal:

Representative Todd Akin spoke thoughtlessly when he implied that there is such a thing as "legitimate rape."  This took an emotionally charged topic and set it off the deep end, not only ensuring that nobody would listen to him for the rest of his career, but causing a lot of fallout as well.  This incident is a perfect example of why most people in the public eye should not answer questions on the fly.

As long as one assumes that he wasn't referring to false rape claims (which DO happen, believe it or not, Law and Order SVU...), his intent was probably to use the word "violent rape," or some other term to distinguish between a single violent assault and cases of statutory or incestual rape.  First off, let me say that HE DID NOT MAKE THIS UP.  The idea seems to be (from all sides of this disagreement) that this guy is just some idiot who thinks that "people who are raped have different storks," (-excerpt from Bill Nye's vile profanity-laced tirade that I was treated to this morning, which not only ensured that he has lost my financial support for the rest of my life, but that I might be legitimately swearing off of facebook... more on that later.)  Hey, did you know that you can still believe in science even if you are a Christian?  Crazy, right?

Here are the facts (I have tried to use relatively unbiased sources, but I am sure that these percentages are not completely accurate... safe to say they are a decent starting point, though):

One in six women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.  About 50% of those will include vaginal penetration.  So that puts our base number at 1 in 12 or a little over 8%

There is a 5% chance of a woman becoming pregnant from a one-time unprotected sexual encounter.  (http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-victims)

About 10% of women are infertile.  (http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/infertility.cfm)

More than 50% of women of childbearing years are using oral contraceptives/IUDs.  (http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_contr_use.html)

Some rapists use a condom to avoid DNA detection or STDs  - maybe up to 15%.  (http://www.nytimes.com/1994/08/22/nyregion/rapists-and-condoms-is-use-a-cavalier-act-or-a-way-to-avoid-disease-and-arrest.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm)

Now you can't add all of these percentages together, because a woman might be both infertile AND using birth control, or a might be vaginally raped with a condom.  A fertile non-birth-control using woman might be vaginally raped by a non-condom-wearing attacker. It might happen.  I am sure it has happened.  But Rep.Todd Akin said, "...From what I understand, THAT'S REALLY RARE..."  Not - "That doesn't happen."    Looking at this info, even if you don't agree with it, you have to admit that his statement of rape-related pregnancies being rare is relatively accurate, or at least has some standing in reality.

Now from what I understand, a woman's chances of becoming pregnant lower when she is being put through acute physical or emotional trauma.  I don't feel like looking this up because I am not immediately finding it on google, but it stands to reason that if trauma is a significant cause of fetus mortality (http://journals.lww.com/greenjournal/Abstract/2009/07000/Trauma_in_Pregnancy.25.aspx) that it would also be a hindrance to becoming pregnant.  I think that is what he is saying by the stupidly phrased "female body has ways of shutting that whole thing down."

So, think what you might about Akin's remarks, the fact is that they are based in a widely held belief.  People use rape as a reason to justify abortion.  In my opinion, THAT is what is "indefensible."

The whole sticking point of abortion issues are - WHEN does a person become a person?  If you are pro-choice, you have a sticky decision to make.  You, like our government, must take into account arbitrary deadlines (179 days = not a person, but on that 180th day... Bam!  Now it's a person)  You must decide when a fetus is wanted and when it is not (killing a pregnant first trimester woman is a double murder?)  But if you believe that a fetus is a person the moment that it is conceived, then your job is simple.  Is abortion taking a life?  Even a potential one?  If so, it is immoral, and if it is immoral, that is absolute.  It is no less the taking of a life if the woman was raped.  We do not justify taking one life in the place of another unless both sides can consent.

My heart is heavy with the society that we have created.  It is extremely disturbing that 1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted in thier lifetimes.  I already know of at least 10 women in my own life who have been the victims of assault.  As a society, instead of putting band-aids on the gaping wounds that our actions are causing, we need to start the healing.  We need to teach our sons how to be men.  We need to teach our girls to be smart in the men that they choose.  We need to have compassionate care for all women, and we need to get rid of the stigma that still attaches itself to the victims of assault.  We need to condemn sexual predators for what they are, not laugh it off when the rapist is attractive or well-liked.  We need to be a society that abhors evil, and one that provides compassion for men and women who are in trouble for whatever reason.  A pregnancy should not be a punishment (well, you did it to yourself, so now live with it!), but neither is abortion the answer that we are looking for.  Instead of focusing so much on laws, we need to start focusing on hearts.  When responsibility mingles with compassion, that is going to be the morally right place to start.

July, July

Oh, and as usual the summer is getting away from me!  How is it mid-July already?

So far the summer has been pretty uneventful - movies, Farmer's Market, bike rides with the husband (when it hasn't been ungodly hot), working on TMI costumes... a few photo sessions sprinkled here and there, but not too busy.

I watched Avatar: The Last Airbender (the series) and found it enjoyable - a unique blend of classic high fantasy, kung fu movies, and traditional anime.  While the plotlines are simple and easy for children to follow, the characters are rather developed for a modern child's show, and the concepts are well-executed.  Overall, it's either a pretty decent show for adults or one of the best children's shows that has been made in the past 30 years.  I prefer to think of it as the latter.

I had a marvelous Fourth of July party, with great friends, backyard karaoke, a hot dog bar, sparklers, and a jet engine fan due to the 100 plus degree weather...

I visited my Grandpa for his 80th birthday.  I don't know if I ever blogged about his stroke in May, but it was a very scary time for our whole family.  My grandparents are very independent people, and they also tend to underplay situations... luckily my dad and his siblings teamed together to get Grandpa to the hospital, and after a lot of physical therapy he is doing much better.  It was great to see him.

I visited my dear Francine TWO WEEKENDS IN A ROW, which was marvelous and unusual.  I can't really say any words about her, except that I was having breakfast with my mom a few days ago and we were talking about how friendship is not competitive or envious, it's a place that you can rest your head and let down your guard.  She was mentioning that she's never found that.  I feel like most people haven't, and I am so SO blessed that I have.

A few of my other friendships have been growing as well.  S and I performed at a karaoke competition at the casino, and celebrated our utter mediocrity with red velvet pancakes at IHOP.  And then sat in the Bay City Fireworks traffic for over an hour and a half.  It could have been a disaster, but the company made it a great night.  D and I had a great time as usual on our coffee/Farmers Market morning a few weeks ago.  I am excited to have a friend so intelligent and passionate in my life.  I also reconnected with my high school friend A (again) and am enjoying getting to know him as an adult.  I hope that we can keep in touch now that he's back at work.

I spent the day yesterday doing costumes for CATS.  It was a long and hot day with quite a few hiccups, but very productive.  I think that people were very pleased with what I've done so far (Which is good, because it is a crap ton of work!)

I'm sure there's more than this, but Husband is out of the shower!  Have a marvelous week!